I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
