Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
