I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
