I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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