I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
