I got chris browned last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
