How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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