He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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