At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
