I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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