She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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