End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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