as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
