I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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