I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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