It's Friday. Sex?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
