bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
