I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
