i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
