I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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