Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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