Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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