i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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