i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
