the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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