Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There are leaves in my underwear?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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