I'm eating all of the evidence.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
