i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
