So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
