I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
