His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
