Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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