She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
