If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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