Your tits are I can't wait for
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
