not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
