theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
