she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We are all done wearing pants today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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