He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
