Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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