Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
