so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
high people should be assigned attendants
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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