I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
