No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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