just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
