before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
