standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
