At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
