sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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