In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Your dad touched me again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
